I’ve lived in the same house all my life, and the surroundings have always been very idyllic. Meadows, a lake surrounded by trees to make you feel like you’re in the middle of nowhere, and a sunset that always makes you walk in the direction of the lake whenever you…

I went to the US for my year abroad. I went on a road trip to New Orleans, got into a relationship that ended with me leaving the country and lots of other nice things happened. But I’m not going to tell you about that, because I didn’t feel like…

In the spring of 2015, my university housemates Finn and Reuben decided to go to Copenhagen, and me, feeling that I should at least try to be a little bit perceptible to the concept of “fun”, being dragged along. We called it a “flat trip,” flat not only describing the…

Yup. But before we deal with this darkness in an inappropriately upbeat way, if you go aaaaaallll the way back to the second page of this story, you’ll find the story of my outdoor socks. Another thing that would come back to haunt me in an eerily similar way was…

I wrote jokes about having sex before I had actually done it. And then I tried to fit them into what actually happened. It didn’t work very well. At first, I thought that I was gonna end this entire story with me jumping from the roof of the school. I…

I fell for the first girl I ever went out with like a plank. She broke it off after two dates because she wasn’t attracted to me in “that way.” Just tell me that I’m an ugly fatass, it’s so much easier, it gets the point across and there’s no…

I didn’t become the class clown until university. To be honest, I wasn’t really the class clown at university either, we had a bunch of other idiots for that, but something did change. One time, we were watching a Louis Theroux documentary about the Westboro Baptist Church in class, and…

I had some incredibly weak, drama-queen moments. Not in front of anyone, of course. I was a drama-queen in a way that only introverts can. Everything is relative, you’re incredibly affected by what you see and hear around you. And in London, there was a lot to see and hear…

I was essentially living life backward. I started drinking late, but that was still way before I had my first proper date and kiss, i.e. one with gross amounts of tongue. I used alcohol to get through the holidays at 17, which quite frankly makes me sound like a creepy…